This Loneliness
by wynteralchemyst
Summary: "You are... leaving," she whispered. The last Yeul tries to tell Caius of her budding affection for him, but his silence is a rejection in itself; the only Yeul he ever loved may have been the first.
1. This Loneliness

**Author's Note: I'm trying something new here. I haven't seen all that many Yeul/Caius stories on here, so I thought I'd throw one in here and see how it goes. This was another difficult story for me to write (for some reason), so I'd appreciate feedback to see if it seems realistic, or if everyone's still in-character.**

**And without further ado...**

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><p>There was something bothering Caius.<p>

It was often hard to tell. Caius was very good at disguising his emotions with a carefully flat expression. His somber nature made him appear withdrawn and stiff at first glance, and his reluctance to speak about himself used to put off all the villagers who tried to strike up a conversation.

But Yeul, who had known him all her life, could recognize the difference between Caius's normal subdued character and this new unease in his eyes.

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><p>Yeul sat on one of the large boulders on the hill above the settlement. Below her, Noel ran in frenzied, circular motions; he was trying to coerce the domesticated gold chocobos into the fence for the coming night. She smiled a little, watching him. The giant birds didn't seem impressed with his amateur herding abilities.<p>

Caius was nowhere to be seen.

This absence was, itself, strange: he usually stayed with her like a shadow, always beside or behind Yeul when she was out in the open. She knew that Caius didn't entirely trust Noel to protect her all alone - something Noel lamented to her when Caius went hunting for the evening - and that he preferred to hear about her visions immediately, just after she'd seen them.

Yeul mentally counted other instances that Caius had not been himself recently.

Three days ago he was gone, suddenly, without telling her where he was going. Then he was back again the next day, acting as if nothing had happened. Yeul had been worried; she had wondered if he would come back. When she asked him why he left, Caius had murmured a vague reply and stepped out of the room, citing a task that needed doing.

Yesterday he had abruptly walked away from the seeress statue, just as she was walking up the hill toward him. He had nodded and murmured, "Yeul," but avoided eye contact altogether.

And now today he was gone again. Up before the sun rose.

_What is wrong?_ Yeul wondered. Her small hands tugged at a long strand of her silver hair and she twisted it between her fingers. _Is he mad? At... me? _She tried to think of something she had done to offend Caius. Perhaps it was the new recipe she had tried, or all those times she had forgotten to hang the clothes to dry. Maybe he was still annoyed about the time she sprained her ankle while playing tag with Noel. Not even a week ago he had caught her staring at him, looking appalled when she blushed and looked away, flustered. Perhaps that was it.

_Did I alienate him?_ This thought made her feel uncomfortable and guilty. Yeul pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them. She looked up into the setting sun and pressed her cheek unhappily against her knees. _He must be angry, _she concluded. _To him, I am still a young girl. I am not old enough to understand the stirrings of the heart._

She pictured Caius's face in her mind: the strong, chiseled features of his nose and chin. The dark eyebrows that arched when he was amused or surprised. The eyes that spoke of his bottled emotions that he showed, like a secret, only to her. The thin, unforgiving mouth that became beautiful when he allowed himself to smile.

_Surely I am not the only Yeul to think he is handsome,_ she told herself. _Surely I am not the only one to look at him with affection._

But he was not here with her.

"I must have... offended him," she murmured.

Yeul knew that repairing her companionable relationship with Caius was more important to her than her slowly-emerging feelings toward him. She sighed a little and pushed herself to her feet. "I should go apologize."

She slowly made her way down the hill, her soft boots sliding quietly against the white sand. Noel, who had only managed to push one chocobo into the fence, looked up when she approached. "Oh, hey Yeul," he said amiably. "Sorry this is taking so long. I thought I'd try a different approach this time, but..." He glanced at the giant birds and shrugged. "...it doesn't seem to be working well, does it?"

Yeul smiled. "No, I guess not. But I liked watching you try."

Noel laughed heartily. "Well, at least it made somebody happy."

She stepped close to him and pressed a hand on his bicep. "I'm going inside," she told him. "I'm - I'm tired."

"Already?" Grinning, he gently tugged on a lock of her hair. "Maybe it's because you're getting older. Your birthday's in a few weeks - maybe it's all that _growing_ that's making you tired."

Yeul shook her head, her lips curving helplessly. "Your stories are always so silly, Noel. Good night."

" 'Night."

Yeul trotted to the clusters of ramshackle buildings that lined the two dirt roads in the silent village. She started towards Caius's rooms but stopped, wondering if he might not instead be in one of the more obvious places; at this time of night, Caius was usually in the storehouse salting the remains of the dinner to prepare it for drying.

She walked to the storehouse and stepped inside, her eyes automatically following the shelves of dehydrated fruit and cured meat. There, at the rear of the shadowy room, was Caius. He stood with his back to her; he hadn't heard her come in.

"Caius," she said quietly.

She watched his shoulders tense. Slowly he turned to face her, his light eyes almost luminous in the darkness. "Yeul," he greeted her, equally quietly.

"Caius, I..." She blinked and looked down. More of her hair had made its way into her hands and she twisted the silver strands around and around her index finger. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uneasy or to make light of our relationship. I will always treasure our friendship." _Even if it never turns into anything more,_ her mind added.

Caius didn't reply. Yeul looked up in time to see the expression of misery on his face before he quickly wiped it away. "I was not offended," he said slowly.

"You weren't?" She couldn't stop the smile of relief from lighting her face. "I'm glad. You acted so distant, and I thought..."

Her words trailed away when she caught sight of what he was holding: long strips of bahamut jerky, half-wrapped in oilskin to guard against the weather. She glanced at his travel bags, which lay open on the table behind him.

"You are... leaving," she whispered.

Her realization triggered a vision: _Caius, leaving through a shining gate, the dying moon hanging above him in the sky. Caius, traveling through a shifting golden corridor. Caius, in a world of sun. Caius, in a world of rain. Caius, Caius, Caius -_

Yeul swayed on her feet. Caius crossed the distance between them in two strides and caught her as her knees buckled beneath her. He swore quietly and lowered her to the ground, kneeling at her side. "I'm sorry, Yeul."

After a few moments her sight cleared. Yeul blinked at Caius, her green eyes bright. "You _are_ leaving."

His eyes flickered away. "Soon," he admitted.

"Why?"

He only shut his eyes.

"Caius. Don't leave." She pressed a hand on his chest. "Please, I..." How could she describe the cold claws of fear and panic that were squeezing her heart? If he would only look at her, then he could see the pleading horror behind her eyes. "I - I _need_ you."

"I cannot stay." Caius pulled away and stood, towering over her. "I... I can't. Not this time."

"But..." Yeul watched as Caius walked back to the table and purposefully continued preparing travel rations. _I can't let him leave,_ she thought. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. _I have to make him see. _"But you can't leave," she said in a rush. "I - I think I love you."

Caius stilled. Yeul waited, but he didn't turn. The seconds turned into minutes as she stared at his back. She thought he would at least turn to raise his eyebrows incredulously, or smile at her, or - or _something_. But he didn't. He was still as rigid as the moment she had confessed.

Yeul took a slow breath, her eyes filling with tears at Caius's silent rejection. _How can he say nothing? How can he simply stand there-_

Suddenly she knew. "Another Yeul told you she loved you," she said quietly, her raspy voice giving an oddly dreamy quality to her words.

"Yes." Caius bowed his head. "You did, many years ago. I have loved you in every lifetime, but only once did you say you loved me in return."

"I do not remember," she said softly. "Sometimes I wish I did. I have lived an eternity with you, but this life is the only one I know."

Yeul was filled with an irrational jealousy for her past lives. It was unfair that Caius could remember each one of her lives with perfect clarity while she had no recollection. _I want to remember this, _she told herself fiercely. _In my next life, I want to remember this moment, when I told Caius how I felt. I want to remember the emotions inside me and how he said-_

"You - you love me," she echoed faintly. Hope rose in her chest.

"Yes." He still didn't turn. "But perhaps not in the same way that you do."

Yeul slowly pulled herself to her feet. "You don't need to leave because of me - "

"I do," he said firmly, his tone allowing for no further discussion.

Yeul winced slightly. Her eyes slowly filled with tears and she looked up at the ceiling, preventing even a single drop to slide down her cheeks. "Will I ever see you again?"

He paused. "Not as you are now."

"And what will you remember about me?" She tried to make her voice sound detached and uncaring, but a slight waver of emotion ruined the effect. "When you are traveling the timeline, what will distinguish me from all the others?"

Caius turned to her, but she continued to stare resolutely at the ceiling above his head. "What do you want me to remember?" He questioned softly.

"I..." Yeul was at a loss. Clever word-play didn't come easily to her and Caius had already shredded the reasonings of her heart. Surely he saw through her bravado; what was the point of continuing her charade? "I... don't know," Yeul said miserably. She shut her eyes. Twin tears slid down her pale cheeks. "I don't know what to say."

She heard the _snap_ of the buckles as Caius secured his bag. His feet crunched quietly against the sandy floor as he came to stand before her. "Yeul," he said gently.

She refused to open her eyes.

There was a brief silence, then Yeul felt Caius's large hand press tenderly against the back of her head. He wove his fingers between her silken strands, his thumb slowly rubbing back and forth against her temple. Yeul opened her eyes as Caius bent down to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry," he murmured against her hair.

Yeul blinked, her long lashes brushing the hair that hung over Caius's shoulder. She only nodded, unsure if she could keep the hurt from her voice.

Caius's hand tightened on her hair and, very gently, he pressed his lips against Yeul's. "Goodbye, Yeul," he whispered. Then he straightened and walked past her. Yeul turned to see him disappearing through the open door and into the night.

Then he was gone.

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><p>Noel found her sitting on the roof twenty minutes later, her head turned up to watch the stars. "Tired but can't sleep?" He asked wryly, his hands on his hips.<p>

She looked down at him. "Noel... no, I... I can't sleep."

He grinned knowingly. "Mind if I join you?"

Yeul shook her head and Noel climbed up the ladder leaning against the eves. He plopped himself down beside her. "Well, I finally got all the chocobos inside the fence," he said conversationally. "Took me a while, but I finally did it. I'll get Caius to do it tomorrow; I don't think any of the chocobos like me much." He laughed a little. "Hey, speaking of. Did you ever find Caius? I know you were looking for him earlier today."

"No," she lied softly. "I... didn't find him."

"Well, he's bound to turn up sometime, right?" He leaned back on his arms, staring at the sky. "Don't worry about it, Yeul."

Yeul looked over at him. She was grateful for his natural ability to distract her mind with optimistic frivolities. "Yes," she said slowly. "Thank you... for reminding me."

"Anytime, Yeul." He pointed up at a small circle of stars. "Did I ever tell you about the Summoner constellation? That's the end of her staff right there, and the two stars on either side are her hands..."

A small smile slipped onto Yeul's face. "Yes, you've told me." She looked up at the sky as Noel began to tell about another collection of stars. _Noel is right,_ she thought. _Caius is alive somewhere, beneath these stars. The same as me. As long as I know that, then... I don't need to worry._

_ I won't be entirely lonely._


	2. Memories Begin to Fray

__**After this, I think there will be two more chapters. Maybe three. I'm not one of those epically-long fic writers; I prefer to add a little here and there and just let the original work speak for itself. So we'll see.  
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**Also, I purposefully picked a Yeul for this chapter that wasn't spotlighted in the game (mostly so I could tease information out of Caius), so if she isn't exactly like the ones we all know from the game, you know why. Oh, and sorry for the abrupt ending.  
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**Enjoy.  
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><p><em>316 AF<em>

"Is this your card?" Yeul held up a travel-worn slip of paper. "The King of Swords?"

Caius, sitting across from her, shook his head.

"Hm." she tucked the card back into the deck and pulled out another. "The Five of Shields?"

He shook his head again.

Yeul's smile faded a little. "Then... is it this one?" She brandished the Jack of Knives.

Caius squinted at it; the image on the card was obscured by an old brown stain. "No," he replied.

"Really?" Yeul sighed and spread out the deck like a giant fan on the ground before her. "I thought I was getting better. Perhaps... perhaps I am only getting worse."

Caius crossed his arms. "Practice will make the trick easier."

She rubbed her finger against the soft, worn edge of the Ten of Swords. "The reason why I began learning sleight of hand and traveler's tricks was so I could entertain you." She looked up at him. "You always look so..." She searched for the right word and failed. "...bored."

He raised an eyebrow. "I am never bored when I am protecting you."

"But there is nothing to protect me from." She looked around them, and his eyes followed her gaze. The grassy hill of the Archelyte Steppe waved gently in the western breeze. A small pack of feral goblins tussled with each other in the distance, but otherwise the seeress and her guardian were alone.

Yeul glanced back at Caius. "I know why you stay by my side," she said gently, "but I am not in any danger."

"Sometimes a lack of action can be considered a reprieve," he murmured.

"I suppose for you it is." She picked at the grass; down by the roots it was still damp from the morning shower. "In my entire life, it seems that nothing has happened."

"Be grateful."

Caius regretted his words when her eyes lit up. "So then, my other lives were more exciting? I wish you would tell me about them..." She paused and a smile slipped onto her face. She climbed to her feet. "Maybe you will tell me, but in the future."

"_No_." Caius shot to his feet. "Yeul - "

But her eyes had already begun to glow. Caius stood by her side, clenching his fists, knowing the girl would be unresponsive until her vision was complete.

He waited uneasily as the seconds slowly turned into minutes. _I am a fool_, he told himself bitterly. The current Yeul had, compared to her usual standards, seen relatively few visions in her life. Caius had begun to hope that she might live longer than the others had, but he knew now that this wouldn't be the case; the longer she watched the timeline, the less time he would have with her.

And it was his fault.

Yeul stumbled a little as she came out of the vision. Caius placed a hand on her shoulder, but she quickly turned away.

"Are you... well?" Caius asked uncertainly, surprised by her reaction.

Her hair brushed over her shoulders as the wind blew across the hillside. "I... I tried to look," she said quietly, "but you reveal nothing. Not to any of us. So then I looked... I saw the last Yeul..."

"What is it?" Although each Yeul's voice was the same, Caius had grown used to this Yeul's enthusiasm, her easy smiles. Now her tone was like many of the others he had known: grave and almost reluctant to share what she had seen. "Yeul - "

"She was crying," she whispered. "She said... she _was_ lonely."

Caius frowned. "I am always with you."

"Not her." She turned to face him then and he could see that there were tears in her eyes as well. "You were gone. She said she loved you, but you were gone."

He looked away, across the gently rippling sea of grass. "I don't understand."

"Why?"

His eyes returned to hers. Was she asking why he didn't understand or why he had left the last Yeul? He shook his head. "None of you... 'love' has only been spoken by one Yeul, but that was... I vowed I would never..."

Yeul swept her tears away with the back of her hand. "You got hurt, too," she said softly.

Caius resolutely turned away, but that was all the answer that Yeul needed. She smiled tentatively at him. "Would you... tell me?"

"No."

"Caius, please?" She stepped closer to him. "The Yeuls after me won't remember what you've said."

"I will not tell you."

Yeul shrugged. "You leave me with no other option than to look at the timeline again and see if you've told another Yeul." She watched Caius grit his teeth from the corner of his eye and knew that she'd won; the last thing he wanted was for her life to be shortened any further by her prognostication abilities. She pressed, "you know I'll do it because of how curious I am - "

"Fine." Caius crossed his arms. "I will." He looked at Yeul and said, a little tiredly, "you should sit down."


	3. Worth the Price

**Author's Note: So this story is all planned out. There will be two more chapters after this one (unless I decide to write a sort-of epilogue thing?), so there you go.  
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** I don't think I mentioned it earlier, but each chapter name is a line from "Yeul's Theme" from the XIII-2**** soundtrack. ****Kudos to anyone who figured that out.**

**And enjoy!**_  
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><p><em>316 AF<em>

"She was the first," he said slowly. His eyes were on his hands, which were folded neatly in his lap. He stared at the creases on the knuckle of his thumb, the brown-tanned skin as unchanging as the first day of his eternal life. "The first Yeul I knew."

"The one... you became immortal for?" Yeul asked.

He was silent for several moments before nodding once. "Yes."

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><p><em>Year 570 of the Farseer Calendar, as declared by the Seeress Paddra Nsu-Yeul<em>

Sleep came rarely to Caius but when it did, he dreamed of the past.

He saw the bright red dripping from the spikes of his sword and the still body in the grass, several feet away. One hand was outstretched, like it was reaching for its fallen weapon. He remembered listening silently until the faint, gurgling breaths of his predecessor thinned and faded altogether before looking up at Yeul. She had met his eyes across the distance unflinchingly, despite the splatters he knew colored the side of his face. In her expression was the same steel he had seen when he challenged her guardian to the duel.

He saw her hands clench on the arms of her chair as her eyes cleared of the vision. She looked away from his questioning gaze, away from the attendants and the faces of her people that filled the Audience Chamber in the Temple of Etro. She raised her chin, her eyes narrowing. The moment before she spoke, he knew this would be his first real test as a guardian of the seeress. "War," she declared, and the room went silent with the intake of breath.

He saw the armies marching down the valley toward Paddra, the sunlight glinting from the curves of the numberless beaten-bronze masks. He stood next to Yeul on the parapet above the city gate and he could almost feel the stiffness in her posture as she stared out at her own soldiers - the best of the Farseer Clan. "The battle may be long," he told her quietly, but she shook her head. "I will not desert my people," she said firmly.

He saw the blood on the plain, black in the growing twilight. Even in the half-light, he could tell that the enemy grossly outnumbered the Paddran men. Yeul had seen it as well. She turned to look up at him, the first flickers of panic showing in her dark eyes. "Go," she said. "Protect my people. Save Paddra." But Caius wasn't sure if he should obey her; his duty was to _her_, to defend _her_. "If the battle should go ill," he began, but she reached out and grabbed his hand. He froze; she had never touched him before. "It will not," she said in a low voice. Her face was pale.

He saw the soldiers of the invading army fall beneath his blade, but it wasn't enough; there were simply too many. His arms were tiring, the sweat trickling down his temple and between the layers of his armor. His hair felt heavy on his neck and he coughed a little, tasting blood. Caius risked a glance toward the city. His eyes found Yeul; in the light of the moon, he could see her cloak whipping back against the wind. She was still watching, still silently in vigil. He remembered the look on her face and he knew there was still something he could do.

That was when Caius woke up.

When he was free from the dreams he pressed his hand over his chest, searching for a heartbeat. He didn't need his dreams to remind him how the incarnate summoning had killed him; he remembered perfectly the moment when his heart stopped beating.

His chest was warm, unnaturally so. Sometimes, if he focused on that warmth, the heart glowed faintly.

It was _her_ heart: the goddess, Etro.

Yeul was waiting when he woke from death. She dismissed the medics and came to stand by his bed. "They told me you were dead," she had said.

He told her what Etro had said - that she was pleased with his dedication and efforts, and that, in return, she would bless him to be Yeul's immortal guardian.

Her eyes had glowed briefly with a vision. "Ah," she said softly. "Then I think you and I are not so different."

He thought perhaps that he'd understood what she meant. But then, as he looked again into her grim face, perhaps he did not entirely.

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><p>Caius let his breath out in a slow exhale. It had been almost one year since he had become Yeul's guardian, but the dreams still haunted his rest. At times he wondered why he still bothered.<p>

Faint moonlight filtered through his open window, giving him an easy view to the towering alabaster Temple of Etro. The high peaks of the mountains that served as a natural boundary between Paddra and the broad expanse of Pulse were dark blue, almost black in the distance. Caius leaned against the wall, looking out. It would be several hours yet before he could conceivably move about freely, without arousing suspicion or alarm for the seeress's safety. Yeul...

Yeul was a contradiction.

She was strong; her willingness to defend and care for the welfare of others before herself was widely known. Her resolve was a pillar of strength for her people, and her example had kept the masses from frantically fleeing the city when she foresaw the attack by one of Paddra's sister city-states.

It was her force of will that first drove Caius to train his body and exercise his mind, to fight to be worthy of her. She showed no weakness, and he admired that.

But the longer Caius had been Yeul's protector, the more he saw that the covert girl was not the same as the public seeress. When Yeul addressed her people or directed the attendants and priestesses, he caught glimpses behind her mask of confidence. When she stood to conduct her sermons - to tell her people what she had seen - Caius could see that her hands were shaking. At times when she looked even at _him_, her jaw trembled.

The responsibilities and reputation of the Eyes of Etro must be heavy, indeed.

A shadow flickered from the corner of Caius's eye and instantly he turned. Through the blue darkness of his room, he could see nothing out of place. But beyond his arched doorway was a stretch of moonlight that spilled out from Yeul's chamber, next to his own.

_Yeul._

Caius silently drew the slim knife that hung from a sheath attached to his calf. There was no time to buckle his armor into place or to retrieve his larger sword. Caius pressed himself against the wall, dressed only in his black undertunic and leggings, and moved quickly into the hallway. The slate-grey stone floors were cold beneath his bare feet and Caius was glad; the temperature difference helped him focus. Carefully staying in the shadows, he slipped into Yeul's chamber.

He spotted the intruder immediately; they were approaching Yeul's bed, a dagger in one hand. Yeul herself was asleep, one limp arm pale against the furs and blankets. Caius hunched over, decreasing his noticeable height as much as possible, and quickly crept up behind the assassin. he intended to make an easy kill and simply cut the killer's neck, but he wasn't given the chance. As Caius slowly rose, the man must have sensed Caius behind him and turned, the dagger flashing outward in a bright arc.

Caius rolled lithely to the side and slashed the tendons at the back of his opponent's knees. The man hissed in pain and braced himself against the bed as his legs buckled. He blocked Caius's upward stroke at his chest and fumbled for a second weapon at his belt. Caius twisted to the side and swiftly snapped the assassin's wrist. The man cried out through clenched teeth and winced. In this moment of weakness, Caius broke the man's rigid arm hold with his elbow and shoved the man's nose into his face with a dull _crunch_. As the intruder's arms slackened, Caius smoothly slid his knife across the vulnerable neck. He stepped back as the lifeless body slid from the bed and crumpled to the floor.

He wiped the blade clean on his pant leg and looked over at Yeul. He was almost unsurprised to find she was awake and watching him; her wide eyes met his in the silent room. Caius sheathed his knife and took another step away from the body, toward her. "Yeul," he greeted her.

She flung her blankets back and stood. "Guards!" She called. She turned to her bedside table and had barely lit the long wick of her lantern when five guards filed into her room.

"Yes, seeress?" The first one asked, but his eyes were already focused on the dead man by the side of the bed and the stream of blood that was quickly pooling behind his head.

Yeul looked up; black shadows clung to the hollows of her cheeks, eyes and nose. "Take the assassin away," she said softly. "Please send one of my attendants to - to clean the floor." Her voice was firm after the slight hesitation of phrasing.

"At once, seeress."

Yeul looked on as the soldiers lifted the body and carried it away, leaving fat drops of crimson in their wake. She turned to Caius, and he watched as her eyes glanced at his hands and then away. Belatedly, Caius noticed the spray of blood on his arms and quickly began to rub them on his pants.

"Here." She held out a handkerchief.

Caius came forward to take it. She turned half away from him, and as Caius cleaned off the blood to the best of his ability, he watched her.

Her shoulders were quivering.

"Yeul, are you... well?" He asked, framing his words with care.

She flinched almost imperceptibly, but Caius caught the motion. "I..." she began but trailed off. He wondered if her vocal chords had locked, restricting her speech.

"Yeul?" He pressed again. Concern leaked into his tone.

Slowly she turned and her eyes, lit with the flickering lantern's flame, shone. "I... I'm alright," she said slowly, but her hands were clenched in the folds of her skirt. "I'm just a little shaken."

She was obviously lying. Since blood and death had never seemed to affect her, Caius decided that the near-assassination by a silent murderer was what troubled her. "I'm sorry," he said.

"You don't need to apologize," she replied quietly.

Caius stared at her for several minutes. Here was the crack behind her mask of strength again, but broader than he had ever seen it. He was seeing fully what the people of Paddra had never beheld in their self-assured seeress: a young sixteen-year-old girl who stood shaking, realizing for perhaps the first time how vulnerable she was. Any other girl would need to be comforted after the ordeal.

Yeul was not 'any' girl. But she might still need reassurance.

He held out his hand, palm upwards, toward her. After a moment's pause she walked to him, her hands closing instead around his wrist. She stood quite close to his side and pressed her forehead against his bare bicep. "Thank you, Caius," she murmured. He could feel the gentle touch of her breath against his skin. "Thank you for keeping me safe."

By the time two of the attendants came, carrying buckets of water to clean the blood, Caius had returned to his room and Yeul was sitting on the bed, calm and collected once again.

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><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>


	4. Hoping Against Fear

**Author's Note: This one was a beast. I know I promised that there would only be two chapters to finish this, but it turned out to be so long that I'm going to chop each one approximately in half. So there will be three more after this one, instead of one.** **I don't think this will bother anyone, but just so you know.**

**Reviews are always welcome. Thanks for reading!**

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><p>"Did you discover which clan the assassin originated from?" Yeul asked the next day over lunch.<p>

The spymaster squared his shoulders. He stood across the table from the seeress, his hands clasped behind his back. "His fair coloring places him as a member of one of the northern tribes. However, we have no way of knowing which one; his body bore no cords or tattoos marking his alliances."

"Perhaps he is a mercenary," Caius said softly, musingly. He stood to Yeul's right and was pointedly ignoring the empty plate Yeul had set aside for him. "A paid killer who had simply defected."

The spymaster looked doubtful. "If he was a mercenary, then he wasn't a very good one. It looked like he hadn't put up much of a fight against you at all."

Caius looked away, unwilling to reply, and caught the slight smile of amusement of Yeul's face. As he watched, she turned to glance at him, sharing the joke.

The spymaster didn't notice. "What would you have me do now, seeress?"

She folded her hands. "Take the assassin's body to the mouth of the valley and leave it there for his masters to find," she said smoothly. "Perhaps this will deter Paddra's enemies from any further attempts to destroy us."

He bowed and left.

Yeul glanced at Caius's empty plate. "You should eat."

"Who are Paddra's enemies?" Caius asked, ignoring her comment.

"I do not know. I have not seen their identity; only that it would not be wise to retaliate."

"The army and the killer came for you," he reminded her softly.

"Yes, you are right." She shook her head. "But it is against my vows to break the predicted timeline to simply change my own destiny."

"No," he agreed. "That is why I am here: to protect you."

She blinked at him, looking, for a moment, surprised. "I hope that is not all that you think you are," she said quietly.

Now it was Caius's turn for surprise. "What more am I?"

Yeul looked down at her food. "I apologize if I am out of place," she said softly, "but I had hoped... that one day we might call each other friends."

"Friends," Caius echoed slowly. He wasn't sure what he thought about this. He was fairly certain that the previous guardian had been simply that: the seeress's guardian. He had never heard of any familiarity between Yeul and... well, any person, really. The idea nearly shattered the fragile image of the distant, confident girl that Caius had always known.

But at the same time, Caius had almost expected this. Hadn't Yeul's vulnerability and earnest nature slowly leaked out through the past year? And last night...

_Last night I offered comfort, _Caius thought. _Yeul accepted. Were we not already halfway down the path to companionship?_

"I am sorry." Yeul pushed back her chair and stood. Instantly Caius's attention was on her. "I assumed too much. Forgive me, Caius."

"Wait." He shifted, turning his body towards her. "I would like that," he said slowly. He looked up, meeting her gaze. "Friends."

Her face slowly brightened as she absorbed his words. "Friends," she repeated warmly.

* * *

><p>In the days that followed, Caius and Yeul fell into the same daily routine as they had followed before, prior to the attempted murder. Each morning they rose with the sun and Yeul fasted through breakfast, dedicating her mornings to devout prayer and meditation in the Temple of Etro. Caius spent the same hours in fierce training, determined not to let his sharp combat skills dull even with the hard-won honor of being the seeress's guardian. He was bitterly disappointed in his performance so far; he had failed Yeul once when his summoning went awry, and a second time when he had allowed the assassin to come so close to killing her. If given the luxury, Caius might have gone to the seeress and asked permission to be released from her service.<p>

_She would decline,_ he thought as he twisted his sword in a blurred spiral, deftly slicing long scars into the granite pillars that were his usual sparring partners. _She would tell me she does not see me at fault, regardless of my guilt._

Regardless of the fact that he sometimes wondered if he was inferior to his predecessor.

"If I have not lived up to your trust in me, then I apologize," he told her quietly over lunch one day.

Yeul blinked at him, having just taken a bite of bread with mild yellow cheese. She chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. "You have not disappointed me."

Caius stared down at the table. He had predicted her response.

"You do not believe me," she observed.

"I know that I have not truly earned my place by your side," he replied.

"I see," Yeul murmured. She waited until he looked up into her eyes before turning away. "Please eat," she said, pushing her empty fruit plate in his direction. "You must be hungry."

He shook his head, but he was bothered more by the informal proposition of sitting next to her, eating, like equals.

He was not Yeul's equal.

But every day she invited him to break his fast with her. And every day he refused.

Yeul continued, gently, to press against the boundaries in their relationship. Nearly two weeks after Caius disposed of the assassin, he woke in the middle of the night, certain he had heard a noise. Yeul stood outside his doorway, waiting for him to become aware of her presence. "I could not sleep," she murmured when he sat up. The fingers of her left hand were resting lightly against the wall.

Caius quickly tucked the knife away. "What is on your mind?" He queried.

She shuffled forward to stand at the foot of his bed. Her eyes were almost black in the shadowy room. "At night, I... I think about the man who came to kill me," she admitted softly. "The fear returns and often my dreams are..." Yeul looked away and Caius nodded, understanding.

"I was wondering," Yeul said slowly, "whether my worries might be calmed if I learned some way to defend myself."

Caius stared at her. "I don't understand."

"If someone slips past you, or if I am attacked while you are gone - "

"That will not happen," he said in a low voice. He would not let himself fail again.

Her head drooped a little and he wondered if some of the bitterness had leaked into his words. "I was hoping for advice," she said faintly. "I am dependent on you for my safety. Perhaps I would be less of a burden and I would sleep better if I knew..." Her voice trailed again into the silence.

Caius considered her. Despite his own inclination to immediately turn her down, he saw the wisdom in her suggestion. If Yeul could defend herself during the attack on Paddra, then he would not have paused to look back at the gate so often, simply to verify her safety. If Yeul knew some self-defense, he would not feel as distracted each morning when he trained away from her.

_The knowledge will give her the self-assurance she pretends so well_, he thought.

Yeul spoke again. "You are the only one who I would ask to instruct me."

_Or she may be offering me a chance to prove myself, to make better my mistakes._ Uncertain how he felt about this, Caius relented. "Very well," he conceded. "But not tonight; we will start tomorrow."

Her face cleared in relief.

The days turned into weeks. Each night when her attendants were asleep, Yeul slipped into Caius's room and he taught her how to protect herself. He showed her the weak parts of the human body, how to tip an opponent off balance, and the fastest way to disarm an attacker. Caius never demonstrated the usage of weapons to her but she was satisfied; when asked, she confessed that she was no longer afraid of falling asleep.

In return, Yeul never failed to invite Caius to eat with her. He always refused until, one day, he tiredly gave in. That day Yeul gave him the biggest smile he had ever seen.

That was also the day before Yeul prophesied of the monster.

* * *

><p>Caius knew Yeul's vision was another foretelling of misfortune when she stiffened, inhaling sharply. Instinctively he shifted closer. Below the dais the people waited, every eye turned upwards to the seeress in her throne. For several long moments, there was complete silence.<p>

Yeul's eyes opened slowly. "Ugallu," she said softly, her voice all-too audible in the quiet. From the back of the Audience Chamber, there was a faint cry of dismay. Caius's frown deepened; _ugal lu_ were the ancient Pulsian words for _walking death_.

Whispers filtered through the air and the numberless faces turned to look at neighbors, to exchange frantic, worried glances. Yeul clenched her hands into fists and stood, her expression undaunted. "Do not be alarmed," she told the crowd below her. "The future hides much. I will look further." She shot a look at the scribes, who were hurriedly recording her every word. "The sermon is over for today."

Dismissed, the voices grew until they ricocheted through the voluminous room, echoing as the crowd quickly fled through the double doors. "This is strange," Yeul murmured. She looked over at Caius who, though standing two steps below her, was perfectly at eye-level. "I am not sure I interpreted the vision correctly."

His eyes narrowed. "What did you see?"

She walked down to meet him, waving away the guards and attendants who began to follow. "A beast," she said in a low voice, "lean, with legs for speed and claws for killing."

Yeul fell silent as they exited the Temple of Etro and Caius didn't press her as they made their way through the streets to the complex where Yeul, her caretakers, attendants, and Caius lived. He followed as Yeul climbed the stairs to their quarters. "The Ugallu is coming here," he stated as she moved through the arched doorway.

"Yes." She took off her crown and placed it in a fur-lined box before shoving that box under her bed. "But I don't understand; I have seen Ugallu before, but in the future. It does not belong in this time."

"A contradiction," Caius remarked.

His words seemed to catch her off-guard. She blinked and twisted around to look at him. But she wasn't actually seeing him; her eyes were distant. "Yes," she said. "A contradiction. An impossibility. It should not be here."

"Do you know who sent it?" He asked. "Is Ugallu another attempt at assassination from one of the city-states?"

Yeul shook her head. "No, the answer I need is: what will the Ugallu's presence accomplish?" She sat down on her bed and closed her eyes. Caius watched as her eyes darted back and forth beneath her eyelids.

"...death," she muttered.

Caius stepped forward. Yeul raised her head, blinking dark green eyes at him. "Death," she repeated, only marginally louder. "The Ugallu is a monster that Paddra does not have the power to withstand. I see the blood of my people washing the streets, felled by the Ugallu's jaws. There is no life in the city, and... and my flesh shall sate the beast's hunger." Her voice wavered.

"_No_." Caius's eyes narrowed. "Grant me leave to hung the Ugallu. I will take his life and keep you safe."

She shook her head haltingly. "Your survival is not certain," she said, her voice more breath than sound.

He pressed his lips into a frustrated line. Yeul glanced up at him. "Promise me you will not go," she whispered.

There was fear and anxiety on her face. Caius examined her for a moment before nodding once. Something lightened in her face and she nodded in return. "Thank you."

"So. What is to be done, then?" He asked.

Her expression clouded again. "The Ugallu has created a hole in spacetime simply by existing in the present. If Paddra is not destroyed by the Ugallu's bloodlust, then the tear will expand, eventually consuming the city; we will be absorbed into the Unseen Realm."

Yeul fell silent. Caius glanced out the window, his eyes studying the distant silhouettes of the taller buildings in Paddra. The sun was setting, coloring the mountaintops a rosy gold.

"I will think of a solution," Yeul said quietly.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>


	5. When All is Lost

**Author's Note: Been busy lately, so that's why this post is so late. And this story just seems to get longer and longer the more I think about it, so I think there will be more than three chapters. From now on, I'm giving no more promises about when _This Loneliness_ ends. It's over when it's over!**

* * *

><p>Word spread that the seeress was searching for a way to save Paddra.<p>

The Farseers, reassured by her efforts, lost their unease and worry; Yeul had never failed them before, and the people were confident that they would survive the Ugallu's wrath.

Yeul spent the next few days searching through the historical records and reading the sermons authored by the Yeuls proceeding her. There was no prediction of the Ugallu's untimely arrival, nor had the previous seers ever been faced with a threat that her Guardian could not banish.

She did not give up.

Caius watched one evening as Yeul lit a lamp and set it beside her on the floor, where various documents were spread out around her like a staggered fan. She raised a hand to push away the hair from her forehead and Caius looked away. "Is denying this destiny the wisest action?" He asked softly, hoping that Yeul would not read a rebuke in his question.

"Obliteration by the Ugally is not our fate," she answered distractedly. She held up a fraying page and peered at it. Through the light of the lamp, Caius could see the golden-brown woven fibers of the paper. "Paddra's future was changed."

"You foresaw it."

"I do not accept it!" She dropped the document, her eyes flashing angrily at him. Caius met her gaze silently and after a few moments Yeul let out her breath in a sigh. "I am sorry, Caius. I believe the goddess does not wish me to fail, but..." She blinked at him bleakly. "It has been three days. The Ugallu is fast approaching."

"Permit me to fight," he said. "I will not stand by to watch your slaughter and do nothing."

"Many l'Cie and mighty warriors, comparable to you in valor and prowess, have fought the Ugallu and were torn to pieces. I do not doubt your skill, Caius. However..." She shook her head, her voice growing quiet. "I do not want to see another Guardian die."

The words struck Caius with a tangible pain, like a thin blade between his ribs. He did not know his predecessor's death had bothered Yeul. It shamed him to know that he had brought this hurt to her and that, even after living with her for more than a year, he had not realized this until now.

Yeul studied her hands in the dim light. "I wish this monster could be rid of as easily as he came," she murmured. "I wish I could banish the Ugallu back through the timespace tear..." She paused, her mouth widening a little. "Caius..." She stared up at him. "You have studied magic. Is this possible?"

"Perhaps." He shut his eyes, feeling as though he had disappointed her yet again.

She scrambled to her feet. "Will you help me?" The pitch of her voice grew higher, betraying her budding hope. "You can read the symbols; perhaps together we can find a spell to be rid of the Ugallu."

"Yes," he said tersely. Caius took the lantern and led the way to the Temple of Etro's private library, where a vast majority of the magical tomes of instruction, summoning and incantation were housed. "I will pull the volumes that I believe are most relevant," he said, setting down the metal cage of the lantern.

Yeul watched as he moved to the closest bookshelf. "What is wrong?" She asked quietly.

"Nothing." His eyes scanned the titles and tags etched on the spines. Her comment pained him further; Yeul was observant, more than he had been.

He heard her soft steps as she walked up behind him. "I do not know why this trial has come," she said slowly, "but I am grateful for your loyalty and strength these last few days. Thank you for standing at my side."

"I am your Guardian," he said. He pulled a slim manuscript from the shelf.

"Caius." Yeul slipped one of her hands into his large one. His body became rigid with the contact; the pads of her fingers were soft and cool. "I do not know why you are angry," she said softly, "but I am sorry."

He thought of her tenderness and earnest devotion for her people, which now led her to break her vows and change the future. He thought of the brave face she showed to comfort the masses, proving that she was deserving of their trust.

Her confidence was not hard to mimic. Caius faced Yeul and nodded. He allowed a slight smile to curve his lips and watched as the anxiety faded from her eyes. "Thank you," he murmured, and her hand tightened in his.

* * *

><p>Yeul searched the manuscripts with Caius leaning over her shoulder, translating the magical runes and spells so she could understand. All through the night they looked for the right incantation that would save Paddra. Caius's voice became hoarse and as the sun began to rise, Yeul fell into an exhausted sleep, her head pillowed on an open book. Caius extinguished the lantern's flickering flame with his fingers and gently lifted Yeul's cloak to settle it around her shoulders. There was just enough light coming through the high windows to see by, and Caius pulled the waiting stacks of books over to his side of the table, continuing the task Yeul had begun.<p>

As the sun reached its zenith in the sky, Caius found the spell they were looking for.

He hesitated to wake Yeul; it seemed an almost intimate thing, to wake someone from their dreams. He scowled at his reluctance and gently touched her shoulder. Immediately Yeul straightened, rubbing at her eyes with the inside of her wrist. She saw the amount of natural lighting in the room and paled. "So late?"

"Noon," Caius responded. He pushed the book with the spell in front of her. "This will rid Paddra of Ugallu."

She leaned over the page. "What will it do?"

He pointed with long brown fingers. "Time is suspended around the Ugallu, isolating it. Timelessness cannot exist in this terrestrial realm, so the Ugallu will be drawn to a location where time is also suspended."

Yeul frowned. "Not to Valhalla?"

"No; none enters there without hearing the goddess's call."

"The shadows of Valhalla, then." She looked up. "The Void Beyond."

"Yes."

They stared at each other from across the table. A small smile crossed Yeul's face and she passed the book back to Caius. "Teach me the spell."

* * *

><p>Yeul pulled her hood up over her forehead and tucked her hair behind her neck. She led the way through the grid-like streets of Paddra, staying in the shadows and keeping close to the walls of the stone flat-fronted buildings. Caius was at her back, the musty tome in the crook of his elbow. There were a few more hours of daylight left and the business districts were crowded with lingering buyers , desperate sellers, and enthusiastic children who had been released from school for the day. Caius could hear the raised voices like a low hum, even from several blocks away.<p>

"We must hurry," Yeul had told Caius as he flung his dark cloak around his shoulders. "The Ugallu is nearly here."

"We will avoid the streets and squares," he had said, nodding to her. "We will move faster if we do not attract attention."

But Yeul did not seem to be satisfied with the cautious pace they had agreed upon; now she was running down the straight, paved streets, her cloak billowing out behind her. His long legs allowed Caius to keep up with her, and soon the seeress was jogging out the city gate, her guardian a step behind.

"We must... hurry faster," Yeul puffed. A few strands of silvery hair had come loose and were streaming behind her. "We must meet it... before..."

"Stop." It was clear that Yeul was not prepared for extended exercise over long distances. "Would you permit me to - "

Her chest heaved. "Yes. Yes," she said, her hood sliding back from her head.

Caius came behind her and lifted her carefully into his arms. He ran. His long legs, used to the exertion, ate up the ground beneath his light feet. He ran until he reached the valley opening, when Yeul's hand tightened on his arm.

"Here," she whispered.

He gently placed her on the ground. Yeul silently took the book from him. She walked a few steps away, her shoulders straight. She knelt on the ground, laying the book open before her in the swaying grass.

"Look," she murmured, and Caius looked up. There, silhouetted against the rocks, stood a slim, muscular body. A broad scar was etched across one massive shoulder - a testament to the warriors who had failed to fell the beast. The long, blade-like claws were bone white, even across the distance. Jagged teeth poked through a grinning, wicked smile.

Yeul began to whisper the words to the spell, her hands moving to emphasize the powerful incantations. The Ugallu cocked its head, as if listening. It trotted down the hillside towards them, the mouth widening in a grimace of glee.

Caius twisted aside his cloak and slowly drew his broad, spiked sword. The Ugallu, seeing the weapon, gave a joyful leap and lowered its head, running faster.

_It is mocking us._ His hand tightened on the leather grip of his blade. He shifted closer to Yeul without breaking eye-contact with the monster. Etro's heart, burning boldly in his chest, thudded with the expectation of battle. He could feel the hot wind pushing against his back. He heard Yeul's quiet murmur and, even softer, the delicate _click cli-click_ of the Ugallu's claws on stone. Caius stood, completely still, and watched as the Ugallu bounded towards them.

And, suddenly, it stopped in mid-leap.

For a long moment Caius stared at the unmoving Ugallu, above him in the sky. He straightened, slowly lowering his sword from the attack position. He risked a small glance at Yeul; she had finished the spell and was sitting back on her ankles, her long hair pooling out from beneath her fallen hood. Caius looked back at the Ugallu as a ragged black tear opened in the sky. He saw, fleetingly, darkness and grey crumbling stone and could smell the heaviness of stale air before the bright mouth of spacetime closed around the monster, swallowing it into its depths. Caius blinked and Ugallu was gone; the wind was blowing, the sun seemed brighter, and he was almost deafened by the sudden rush of air into his lungs.

"We have... succeeded," Yeul said quietly, wonderingly.

Caius slowly latched his sword onto his shoulders. The glimpses of the Void Between burned in his mind. "Yes," he said, feeling stunned himself.

"We have succeeded," Yeul repeated. Her mouth tilted up a little, then a little more. She turned to Caius and her eyes were so bright, so relieved, so proud that he couldn't help smiling back at her.

"You may prove to be a fair mage," Caius said as Yeul stood and picked up the book. "You show future promise, Yeul."

Her smile turned into a laugh. "You will teach me magic, too? So I may attack my enemies while I disarm their weapons?" She handed him the tome.

He tucked the book into the corner of one arm once again and shook his head with a small chuckle of his own.

Yeul looked up at him, her smile slipping slightly. She blinked a few times and then looked down, taking a step to collide into Caius. Caius started to step away, but her arms had already encircled his waist. "Thank you," she murmured, her cheek pressed against the sun-warmed armor over his right breast. "Thank you for helping me, Caius."

He paused, his arm lifted above her head so he wouldn't touch her. He looked down at her shining head and slowly rested his arm along her shoulders. Her soft skin was terribly pale against his dark hand. "Yes," he said softy, unsure of what to say in the situation but feeling nonetheless oddly... pleased.

They must have stood that way for a few minutes, until Caius noticed the stream of people running out of the city gates toward them. His hand tightened over her arm. "The people of Paddra are coming out to meet you."

Yeul leaned away from Caius to look. "They must have seen us leave the city, or saw the Ugallu vanish."

Caius's arm dropped from Yeul's back and she stepped away. They watched as a wave of people crowded into the valley opening and filled in around them. Yeul's hands were kissed by tearful old women and her shoulders clapped by tall men with shaky smiles. Little children handed her weed flowers and newly-plucked grass blossoms, their wide eyes and respectful expressions showing at a glance that they didn't truly comprehend their parents' fuss.

A few men moved past Caius and murmured thanks. Women, standing near to their children, cast him brief looks over their shoulders. No one touched him. No one met his eye. He hadn't expected any less; his predecessor had been well-known and his naturally charismatic nature made him well-liked. Caius was too solemn, too unsociable for the general public of Paddra to be completely comfortable with.

The people were pressing to get closer to Yeul. Though these were the seeress's people, Caius stayed within a few feet of Yeul. He watched her accept the flowers and, between the shoulders of her grateful admirers, Yeul turned and looked his way, catching his eye. Her lips curved and she tipped her head toward him.

Caius found himself smiling back and wondered at the power that she seemed to have over him.

* * *

><p>"You asked to see me, seeress?" The spymaster asked the following afternoon.<p>

Yeul looked up. A sea of colorful glass and crystal beads radiated out around her from where she was sitting on the floor. Caius, kneeling behind her, glanced up from the small clasp he was fashioning from twisted metal.

"Yes." Yeul stood, looking slight before the spymaster's broad chest. "I wanted to know if any of your agents have heard about the Ugallu. Did one of the tribes call it?"

The spymaster frowned. "We have a few men in the Nightsummoner Clan, but there has been very little activity for the past several months."

Yeul pressed her palms together. "What of the Warmaker Clan, who attacked us a year and six moons ago? Or the Silentknife Clan, or the Blooddancer Clan, or the other city states who continually move against our borders? Do you think the Ugallu was summoned from any of their magicians?"

The spymaster's frown deepened. "Actually... I haven't received word from several of my spies recently. There's been some disturbance in the north that has made safe travel difficult."

"The north?" Caius rose soundlessly to his feet. "Where the assassin originated from?"

"Yes."

His eyes narrowed. "What is the disturbance?"

The spymaster lifted his chin, looking steadily into Caius's face. In a low voice, he said, "The Silentknife Clan is mobilizing."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews? :)<strong>


	6. Just Like the Sea

In two steps, Caius was standing by Yeul's side. "How long have you known of this?" He asked in a quiet, deadly voice.

The spymaster blanched at Caius's tone. "Last night," he reported. "The information was verified only twenty minutes ago. I swear," he added when Caius continued to glare.

Yeul pressed her hand over Caius's forearm and reluctantly the Guardian broke eye contact. "You believe Paddra will be attacked?" Yeul asked.

The creases smoothed away from the spymaster's forehead as he addressed the seeress. "At this point we can't be completely positive. The Silentknife Clan has fought with its sister tribe, the Warmaker Clan, in the past. But the Warmakers are still healing from their resounding loss at Paddra's hands - " Here he glanced flickeringly up at Caius and then back to Yeul " - and they do not have the proper strength to participate in the sport."

_Sport._ Was that what fighting and death were? Caius narrowed his eyes again at the spymaster, but the man kept his eyes steadfastly on Yeul and did not react.

"Then we are the target," Yeul murmured.

"The fact that the Silentknife Clan is the only one preparing for battle, and that this comes so closely after the incident with the assassin... yes, that is our conclusion," the spymaster said.

Yeul slowly lowered her eyes. "I cannot say if Paddra will be faced with war again in my lifetime," she said, "for I have not seen a vision confirming this."

Caius and the spymaster waited as Yeul took a measured breath. At length she said, "tell your men to be watchful. At the moment I do not think there is an immediate threat. Please notify me if this changes."

The spymaster bowed his head respectfully. "As you command, seeress. I will be vigilant; I will allow no enemy of Paddra's to take us by surprise, especially on the day of your celebration."

Yeul frowned. At once Caius knew that she had forgotten. "Celebration?" She echoed. "For what occasion?"

The spymaster looked surprised for a moment. "The... celebration to honor your birth."

"My..." Yeul blinked and Caius caught the quick glance she sent his direction. "Yes, my birthday," she affirmed to the spymaster. "Please take care that a surprise attack does not happen; many Paddrans could be hurt."

He bowed and swept out of the room.

Yeul waited until the footsteps faded from the air before murmuring, "I had forgotten."

"You forgot your own birthday," Caius said, his eyebrows raised slightly in mild teasing.

"Yes. It is an ironic thing." She turned to look at him. Despite the curvature of her lips, there was no joy in her smile. "It gives my people happiness," she told him, "and so I am happy."

His faint amusement faded. His eyes searched her face, examining the deceptive expression for the half-hearted tone he heard in her voice. He didn't find it. Eventually he said, "another memory."

She looked away. "It will be that," she agreed. "It will be that."

* * *

><p>Yeul's seventeenth birthday came.<p>

She twisted her hair into a knot behind her head, as she did for all the public occasions. Wearing her crown, she was paraded through the city in a carved chair, carried by the men in her guard. Caius walked at her side. The people filled the streets to watch her pass - cheering, calling, and throwing flowers and bright pieces of gold to her, their seeress. The ritual celebration of her birth lasted several hours, starting from sunrise, and often Caius glanced up at Yeul to see how she was faring. She sat straight-backed in her chair, a small benevolent smile fixed to her face.

In the afternoon followed a massive banquet, with enough delicacies to feed even the smallest child in Paddra. Throughout the feast crowds of people lined up to offer Yeul gifts - embroidered clothes, jewelry, and circlets of flowers were all accepted by the seeress with a smile and murmured, polite thanks. But Caius saw what her people could not: the slight droop in her shoulders, the pale shade of her skin, the beads of perspiration on her forehead from the burning summer sun.

The moon lit the sky when Yeul was finally carried back to her living quarters on the chair. Snatches of song and chants toasting the seeress could be heard from the high windows, even this late into the night. As the guards knelt and gently placed the seat on the ground, Yeul stood, scattering the small flowers that had tangled themselves in her woven ceremonial gown. Caius held out his hand and she gripped it as she stepped down. "Thank you," she told her bearers. "You may go."

She waited until the guards had turned away before sagging, her held breath rushing out in a sigh. Immediately Caius wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her up.

"I am sorry," she mumbled, resting her forehead against his shoulder. "I do not seem to have the energy to stand."

Beneath her thin clothing, Caius could feel her trembling with the effort. He understood why she disliked her birthday celebration so, and why she wished to forget them. "I will take you to your room," he told her in his quiet, low voice.

"Please."

He helped her slowly walk down the short hallway and into her room. She sank wearily onto her bed and Caius watched as her hands dug into the linen blankets, balling the fabric up in her fists. "Sometimes," she said tiredly, "I think - "

Suddenly her green eyes turned to glowing gold.

Caius stepped back, pausing respectfully until the light faded and Yeul began to blink. She seemed somewhat disoriented.

"That was strange," Yeul mused to herself.

"What was it?"

"A jumble of images. The moment I recognized what I was seeing, it changed. I saw many scenes - a setting sun, a dark ocean, a dead butterfly on a blade of grass - but there was no order to them." She glanced up at him. Her face, grey from the long day's activities, was mystified.

"I don't understand," Caius said, puzzled.

Yeul looked away from him and out toward one of the long slanting windows. A servant had lit the candles and lanterns in the room and the crown glinted on Yeul's head, looking bright against her pale hair. "And there were no people," she said in a half-whisper.

The words seemed to echo and fill the room, sounding more ominous with every passing minute. But to Caius, it seemed there was nothing he could say.

* * *

><p>Very carefully, Yeul put down the silver utensils. "I cannot."<p>

The cook, having only just placed the platter of food before them, stared.

Yeul raised her head. "I am sorry," she told the woman. "Thank you for this, but I am simply full from the celebration feast yesterday."

_An easy lie,_ Caius thought at Yeul's side.

The cook accepted Yeul's words with a nod and a relieved smile before shuffling away.

There was a long moment of silence. Yeul glanced at her Guardian. "Please, eat."

Caius sat back, resolved not to touch his food until she did. "Have you stored the vision in the Oracle Drive?" He questioned, guessing that she must still be uncomfortable with the vision she received the night before.

"Yes. I have re-watched the contents and they remain vague."

"The goddess has not revealed its meaning?"

"No." Her delicate profile was troubled. "I have never received a foretelling without a definitive purpose before. It bodes... ill, I believe."

As soon as she finished speaking, Yeul became rigid. Her eyes flashed and she gasped a little, surprised at the images that Caius could not see.

She came out of the vision a minute later, looking pale and visibly upset. Before Caius could frame the words to ask what happened, Yeul turned to look at him. Her eyes were wide in trepidation. "Etro is... displeased with me," she said, her voice a faint breath of air in the suddenly too-quiet room.

Caius's pulse pounded in his ears. The thought seemed almost too unlikely to be true: the goddess, displeased with her servant? True, Yeul had broken her vows and had changed Paddra's fate, but the cause was just, Caius thought. Uneasily he wondered what Etro would do to punish Yeul's disobedience. Take away her visionary abilities? Kill her?

He had the heart of Etro in his chest. Caius focused on it, using the same sort of sideways nudge he used to make it glow. The muscle beat, strong and steady. He could sense no anger or disgust there - only his own anxious worry for Yeul.

Yeul abruptly stood, her seat rocking back violently. "Forgive me," she told Caius, but her head was bowed and her hair hung like sheets, hiding her eyes. "I must pray."

Without looking at him she turned and walked to the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

* * *

><p>Yeul did not receive a response.<p>

"The goddess is slow to hear my prayers because I sealed away the Ugallu," Yeul told Caius a few days later. "I have betrayed her trust. I deserve her scorn."

Caius tried, repeatedly, to tell Yeul that her actions were legitimate, that Etro's legacy continued to live on because Yeul changed time. He told her that she had protected her people and saved everyone she loved, and no one could fault her for that.

To whatever Caius said, Yeul simply nodded, put on her bland, public smile and turned away.

Slowly the seeress ate less and less. She sat by Caius at mealtimes for appearance's sake, to prevent any of the staff from becoming alarmed. And while Caius did manage to make Yeul eat at least a few bites at lunch and dinner, she spent every other waking moment in meditation and silent prayer in the Temple of Etro. And each evening Caius would have to coerce her to return to her room to sleep.

Caius began to wonder if he, too, should pray to the goddess.

After several days Yeul remarked to him, "my access to the timeline is restricted."

He raised his head to look at her. "You cannot See at all?"

"I can look at everything I've done in my current life," she amended, "but nothing else. Not the past or the future."

"And you have not had another vision since...?"

"No."

He glanced away. This was a grave sign. The goddess Etro had all but completely shut off Yeul's precognitive abilities. Again he wondered if the goddess was planning to kill Yeul. A rush of emotions - most powerfully, protective anger - brought heat to his face and he shuddered. _Let it not be so._

"I'm sorry," he told her.

The minutes passed in silence. Yeul picked up the slices of bread and began to crumble them into tiny pieces. "I confess that I had always wondered what my life would be like if I were not the seeress," she said quietly. "If I were a normal girl. If I did not have visions, if I were not honored and respected so. If I did not carry the weight of the responsibilities that I do now."

He turned to study her. Her skin seemed perpetually blanched now, her hair without its usual luster. Her normally soft, low voice had dropped even lower to sound almost scratchy. It hurt to compare her to the girl she had been a week ago. "Yeul," he began.

"In a way, now, I almost feel as if I am experiencing that normalcy," she said, as if he had not spoken. "And I've discovered that it's comforting. The heaviness has dissipated a little, and I am... happy." Her eyes met Caius's shocked expression and she smiled. "It is another sin against Etro to feel this way, I think. But..." She twirled the remaining chunk of bread around and around in her fingers. "What do you believe?"

Caius thought about how he could reply. He supposed the real question was: where was his loyalty strongest? With Etro or Yeul? Etro was the goddess of death and chaos, the one who granted him life, the one who gave Yeul her power. But Yeul was the seeress, the girl who he had slowly come to know since he had become her Guardian. He knew her fears and he had been the only one who had seen the honest, pure smile behind Yeul's mask. She was his duty, his companion...

His friend.

"I would that you were happy," he murmured, wondering if Etro would regard his words as a sin as well. If she did, then he and Yeul would be destroyed together.

A small consolation.

Her smile altered a little, shifting to transform her face into something lighter. Brighter. "Thank you," she said and to Caius's relief, she slid the chunk of bread into her mouth.


	7. Dreams Will Become Tragedies

It was the first Sermon since Yeul's first birthday celebration, nearly two weeks ago.

Caius led the way through the serpentine, narrow hallways of the Temple of Etro. He could hear Yeul's quick footsteps behind him, following close. He wondered what Yeul would say to the people gathered in the Audience Chamber. Without her access to the timeline, the seeress could predict nothing for Paddra's future.

But Yeul refused to cancel or delay the Sermon. She insisted on pretending that nothing was wrong to prevent panic among her people.

He wondered how far Yeul could bluff her predictions.

Suddenly he realized that Yeul's steps had stopped; she wasn't following behind him.

Caius stopped and turned. The seeress was standing several steps away, stock-still in the white marble corridor. Her eyes were closed, but it seemed as though she was having a vision. Instantly Caius was relieved; perhaps Etro's wrath was fading. Yeul would have something to say at the Sermon. And perhaps life would go back to the way it used to be.

He waited half patiently, half torn with anxiety to see what Etro had revealed.

If Caius had known what would happen at the end of all this, he might have tried to break her from the vision prematurely.

The vision was a long one but when Yeul's eyes finally opened, Caius saw her take a reflexive step back. The blood drained from her face and she was pale - so much paler than she had ever been, when he watched her slowly starve in anguish. The look on her face pulled at his heart; it was one of complete, tearful horror.

_"Yeul,"_ he said urgently, afraid of what she had seen.

At the sound of her name, Yeul seemed to collect herself. She smoothed her expression with a slight, painful wince and straightened her spine. She raised her head to look at him and suddenly she was the calm seeress once again, wearing the cool look that Caius at one time had described as _aloof confidence._ "Caius," she responded, and it was the voice that he had first come to know when he was newly appointed as a Guardian.

When she said nothing more, Caius pressed, "are you... well?"

She clasped her hands together. They were shaking badly. "No, I am not," she said. "Please tell the people that I am... unfit to stand before them," she said, stumbling a little over her words.

For a moment it looked as though she might say something else. But she turned abruptly, her robes spinning out around her in a flash of color. She walked away, back down the pristine white hallway. Caius stood and watched her.

Yeul had made it to the end of the hall when she suddenly broke into a run.

He stared after her. His logical mind couldn't seem to fit the pieces together. What had happened? He had his directions to relay the message but still he stayed motionless, replaying the sight of Yeul fleeing before his eyes. The pull to follow her was strong. He wanted to catch up with her, to ask her what was wrong, to lend her the strength she obviously needed...

In the end he obeyed Yeul and went to find the priestesses of Etro.

* * *

><p>Caius went to find Yeul as soon as he could. He found her sitting against the far wall of her room, crouched beneath one of the long square-shaped windows. Her arms were wrapped around her folded legs, her forehead pressed against her knees. She wore only a long under-shift. The ceremonial robes were discarded in scattered heaps, as if she had shed them while running through her room. In one of these heaps, Caius glimpsed the gold shine of her delicate crown, peeking out between layers of woven fabric.<p>

He stopped in her doorway. "Yeul, are you - "

"Please don't." She cut across him. "I am not fit for company."

He took a few steps toward her. "Yeul..."

"Don't." A tremor shook her steady voice. "Don't, please. Don't - don't look at me."

Caius cringed. There was something he had never heard in her voice before: self-hatred. Yeul's vision must have truly been painful to behold. He wondered what Etro had shown the seeress. More proof of her displeasure, perhaps. Or worse: evidence that Yeul's well-meaning action had wrinkled the fabric of time further.

"Please go," Yeul whispered.

Reluctantly, Caius backed out of the doorway. "I will leave you," he murmured, watching Yeul's curled form. She didn't move.

* * *

><p>That evening Caius invited Yeul to dinner. She hadn't moved from her position by the wall. She didn't acknowledge Caius when he called her. After waiting for several minutes he turned away and murmured what he had before: "I will leave you."<p>

"Please grant me peace," Yeul murmured.

Caius stopped and turned. He waited for her to say more, but she never did.

* * *

><p>Caius returned soon after with some food. He set the plate by her side, watching for a response. She didn't move. It was as if she were made of stone.<p>

"Yeul," he said. "Yeul, please. Eat."

One hand tightened around her legs, but otherwise she was motionless.

"Yeul." He didn't want to see her punish herself like this again. He thought of telling her how watching her skin turn grey and her eyes develop shadows made his heart twist in his chest. He wanted to tell her that he wished the goddess was angry at him, instead.

He watched her for a long time. Finally, with a miserable glance in her direction, he turned and retreated to his room for the night.

* * *

><p>He dreamed of his former life again. His memories showed him the quiet Yeul, standing atop the city gate, staring down at the attacking armies. She looked brave and courageous, but there was a healthy glow to her cheeks that Caius knew, even in dreams, was inconsistent with real life.<p>

He might have awakened a few times in the night. Or perhaps he did not, but his memories seemed to be mixed with the soft sighs and moans of Yeul crying. He remembered staring at his dark ceiling, with the slant of sharp moonlight across it. Though he listened, he never heard a sound.

* * *

><p>Yeul had not touched her food.<p>

Caius braced one hand against the doorframe, staring at her pale form. She was asleep now; one arm had fallen away and was lying limply at her side. Otherwise, she was in the exact same position.

He shut his eyes and sighed. After a long while he went away.

All morning he convinced the guards, the priestesses, and more of Yeul's caretakers that she was well. It seemed that when she fled back to her room from the Temple, she had instructed that she was not to be disturbed at all costs.

Caius sighed again when he heard this. Inside his chest, the painful ball of worry and concern grew a little larger.

He returned upstairs at lunchtime with another plate in his hand. What he saw of Yeul surprised him: she was awake and playing with something small in her hands. As he watched, he glimpsed a color - dark red - flash between her white fingers.

"Caius."

He looked at her in time to see her eyes flicker back to the object in her hands. Assuming that this was as close to a greeting as he was going to get, Caius walked to where she was sitting. He held out the plate. "I've brought you lunch."

She shook her head. She kept her head down, her eyes averted. "No thank you."

His rising hope began to wilt. "You must be hungry."

"I'm not. Really, I'm not."

Caius lowered the plate. Slowly he knelt down before her, the armor on his kneecap rocking a little on the edge of her skin rug. He put down the food and looked up into her face. "What is wrong, Yeul?" He asked gently.

Her lips pressed into a small line. Now that Caius was closer, he could see that Yeul was toying with a short string of crimson beads - the half-finished bracelet that she had begun a few weeks ago, before the conversation with the spymaster. _The last peaceful evening,_ Caius realized, _before everything went wrong._

Yeul was staring hard at the beads in her hand. One of her thumbs was rubbing the top bead, her fingertip white with the effort. "It was my fault," she said shortly. "I am entirely at fault."

Several minutes passed and Caius waited for her to continue. Yeul kept her eyes on the glass beads, but he knew she wasn't really seeing them.

He remained still, silently listening.

In the past, his patience was always rewarded. Yeul, though often a reserved, quiet girl herself, seemed to have a dislike of utter silence. Or perhaps she simply became tired of the stagnant hole in the conversation and relented. In the end, her resiliency crumbled and she always told Caius what she was withholding.

Now Caius was waiting again.

More minutes passed.

Yeul's hand stilled and her eyes shifted away from the beads, away from Caius, toward the floor by her bed. "When I banished the Ugallu into the Void Beyond, it... _I_ changed the future," she said. Her voice was so low, it was nearly a monotone. "When the Ugallu emerges, the future world will be less prepared for it than we were. I was shown the pain, the agony, the death wrought by the Ugallu in its terrible vengeance - and all as a result of my careless decision."

Caius shook his head. "You were not careless - "

"I was. I have destroyed the order of the timeline and condemned to death the lives of millions of innocent people. In my presumption to know what was right, I broke vows that should not have been broken. Paddra should have been ravaged. I should be dead," she said tonelessly.

"No," he murmured. But his eyes searched her face and he knew, with growing dismay, that Yeul had sincerely come to believe what she was saying. "We took the only option there was to save Paddra; there were no alternatives," he told her. He willed her to see that the situation wasn't her fault, that they had done the best they could under the circumstances. He hated seeing the blank, resigned look on her face.

She shut her eyes. "Every Yeul dies around my age," she said faintly. "I've broken my promise to the goddess by selfishly staying alive and living beyond my numbered days."

"You protected the people - "

"They will hate me." Her eyebrows scrunched together. "And... and I will deserve that hatred. I will." She pressed her eyes tighter and a small tear squeezed out. "I will be remembered as the Yeul who destroyed everything, and... and I _did._"

"Yeul." He stared, frozen, at the tear sliding down her cheek. He had never seen her cry before and it shook him. At once he was angry, furiously angry, with Etro for breaking down his strong, happy Yeul into this fragile, insecure girl who sat curled in front of him. He hated that Etro could lightly sacrifice an entire civilization while faulting her seeress for trying to save it. He wondered how such a fickle, capricious goddess could be so honored, so revered.

He wondered how he had been so blind to it before.

"I am as much at fault as you," he said, attempting to comfort her. "Please, don't... don't cry."

She opened watery eyes and blinked miserably. "It happened so fast," she said in a choked voice. "Remember? We looked for answers but there was only one, so... but the Ugallu was nearly here and there was no more time to search..."

"I know," he said quietly.

"And I have let everyone down." She sniffed and brushed at her tears with the back of her hand. "I should have thought harder or searched further or been less independent - "

"Yeul, no." Caius sighed. The rage in his heart had given way to doleful sympathy and he moved to sit beside her, against the wall. "You are not to blame. This is... a catastrophe you could not have prevented."

More tears gushed down her cheeks. "Then why do I feel so guilty?"

He opened and slowly closed his mouth. He didn't know how to reply in a way that would satisfy her. Instead he opened his arm and reached out to her. Yeul smeared her tears with her thumb and ducked under his elbow. She pressed her cheek to the smooth part of his armor, directly over his heart. Her small body curled against his and, even through the layers between his skin and hers, he could feel the warmth of her touch.

Caius carefully laid his arm around her shoulders and she pulled closer to him, her eyes fluttering closed.

He leaned his head back against the cool stone wall and stared out through her chamber doorway. Through it, he could see the broad archway that led to his room. His heart felt heavy, with foreboding or simple worry he didn't know.

But back then, he was naive enough to be hopeful. _Perhaps all will go well, in the end, _he thought. His fingers tangled unconsciously into her long silky hair. _Perhaps we can heal from this and move on._


	8. All Who Have Gone

**Author's Note: This is the penultimate chapter. The last one will be up in a few days.**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Caius left Yeul asleep on the floor, a light blanket on her legs to keep her warm and the folded ceremonial robes under her head as a pillow. As he exited the room, he turned back to look at her. Yeul's face was peaceful in repose, but even from the doorway he could see the evidence of tears on her grey face. He watched the slow, regular rise and fall of her chest.<p>

_This is what I am protecting,_ he thought. _Not the title of the seeress, but her. This girl. Yeul._

He went to his room, but he had overestimated how much time had passed; judging from the sun's position, it was still mid-afternoon. He sought for something to occupy the hours until nightfall - activities that would keep him in his room, close to Yeul. He polished his stealth knife and his sword, then gradually removed his armor to clean and shine it as well. He tidied his sparse chamber and organized his belongings, but still the sun hung above the horizon.

Wearily, Caius sat down on the edge of his bed, dressed only in his dark leggings and undertunic. He look out the tall, narrow window at the angular skyline of Paddra. The Temple of Etro framed the right side of the window, the aging light turning the white marble gold. The flat-fronted alabaster buildings beyond were cast in shadow, looking like rigid sentinels beneath the looming jagged mountaintops.

As the sun began to sink behind those mountains, Caius tried to imagine what they would look like after the trial by time. Surely those pointed, razor-like zeniths of stone would erode and trees might populate its bare face. The valley might be cut off from the rest of Pulse by a rockslide, or it could be opened up by the same elements that transformed the mountains.

And what of Paddra itself? Vines might creep up the weathered columns of the temple. Wild goblins or herds of the fuzzy sheep could wander through the ruined, abandoned market places. In his mind's eye he saw the tall, abandoned buildings, the evenly-spaced rectangular windows looking out like melancholy eyes.

_That,_ Caius thought, _is how Paddra would look if all the Farseers were dead. That would have been Paddra's future if Yeul did not fight back. That was a future that Etro wanted._

He wasn't sure what he thought of the goddess now.

The Farseers prided themselves on being Etro's chosen people; she showed them her goodwill by sending Yeul visions that would aid and guide Paddra's future. Despite Etro's responsibilities for death and chaos in the world, the Farseers had generally seen the goddess as more benevolent than threatening.

Caius knew he could not go back to believing that now.

He wondered how much Etro knew about his blasphemy. He wondered if the goddess would consider his fading faith as equivalent to Yeul's direct, though inadvertent, betrayal. For that matter, could Caius consider himself a true _willing_ servant to her any longer, now that he had seen behind her facade?

No.

In a flash of perception, Caius suddenly realized that Etro and Yeul were, in a way, the same: both wore masks to their followers which concealed quite a different, secret character. Of course, this also implied that Etro perhaps did not trust her people enough to show them her true nature, as Caius suspected Yeul had felt almost two years ago.

The comparison made him uncomfortable. _Yeul is nothing like Etro,_ he told himself firmly.

He shifted on the bed and looked again out the window. The sun had nearly set now, and the sky was grey-blue in the failing light. His room had become so suddenly dim that it took him a few moments to notice the girl standing in his doorway.

Caius started. How long had she been standing there? "Yeul," he greeted her.

"Caius." She walked out of the shadows to stand before him. She had changed clothes; now she was dressed in the light halter top and short, feathery lavender skirt that she preferred to wear privately, which Caius was used to. "I've been thinking," she said.

"Of what?"

She paused. "If you could live your life any other way, what would you change?"

Yeul had spoken casually, but Caius felt as if the wording was carefully arranged. He looked through the half-light up at her face. She was staring back at him, her dark eyes solemn. Heavy foreboding filled him again and it seemed as though his answer was extremely important to Yeul - that she was depending on his response.

Pushing aside the worry that she would turn this into another opportunity to degrade herself as a seeress, Caius replied honestly. "Nothing. My existence, such as it has been thus far, is satisfactory." When her expression didn't change, he added, "I am content to serve you."

Yeul closed her eyes briefly and sighed. "I am envious," she said, and Caius wondered if he had passed her silent test. "I told you that a part of me has always wished to be free of the visions, and that is true."

She looked away. Caius watched her. He noticed the way her dark, beautiful eyelashes brushed her flawless skin when she blinked.

"I have seen the light, carefree natures of the village girls," she said quietly. "Many times I have wished to be like them: to know little, to want little, to be little. They, in their expendable lives, can dare so much. If I were a simple girl such as them, I think I might dream of you. You have strength, courage, and kindness. But, as the seeress's Guardian, you are utterly unobtainable." Her low voice was still casual, but Caius could see the tension in her jaw, as if it hurt her to speak so lightly of her feelings.

"But, being the bold, reckless village girl that I am, I find a way to talk to you." Yeul turned to look at him at last. Her eyes were very bright in the near-dark. "I would tell you that I loved you," she said, her voice shrinking to a whisper. "That I've always loved you, and I - I never want to be apart from you."

His heart was pounding, pounding so loudly in his ears. Yeul stepped close to him and he watched as she bent a little. Her cool lips pressed against his forehead, her hand curling gently along his jawline.

Caius let his breath out in a slow, controlled sigh. His mind was a cloud of half-formed thoughts. Was he allowed to touch her in return? Etro - no, he wouldn't think of her. Yeul's hip brushed the inside of his leg and Caius flushed with heat. His hands felt so useless at his sides.

Yeul placed her other hand against his cheek and tilted his face up to hers. Caius gasped as she pressed her lips against his. It was an innocent crush of skin and Yeul blushed self-consciously, as if she knew how inept she was.

She didn't appear that way to Caius. He leaned up into the kiss and raised a hand to caress her cheek. His other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flat against his chest. Through the thin fabric of her skirt, Caius could feel the firm ridge of her ribcage beneath his fingertips. His broad hand drifted slowly up her back, burning against her frigid skin, and she shivered against him.

Yeul's hands were knotted in his hair. She twisted her head to the side, pushing the kiss deeper. Caius could feel her body pressed against him, his throat betraying him by uttering a low, hungry groan. His hand found the collar of her shirt on her back and his fingers dipped beneath it, feeling her soft, smooth skin.

She raised her head. "Caius."

Caius slowly opened his eyes. He heard their ragged breaths in the silence as he stared up at her. Yeul's long hair hung around them like a curtain and he could see her eyes looking down at him from within.

"Would you," she said breathily, "have felt the same?"

His voice was rough when he replied. "Yes."

Her hands untangled themselves from his hair and she lifted one of those hands to gently cup his face. He strove to see her expression, but all the light was gone. "That is not the life we live," she whispered.

Caius thought he felt something, ice cold, fall on his cheek. Yeul stepped back, letting her arms fall to her sides. She turned away and, without another word, walked back through his doorway, disappearing into darkness.

Caius sat on his bed, feeling stunned. He took slow breaths and calmed his erratic heart, managing them into an even rhythm. His first impulse was to follow Yeul, but his slowly-returning judgment told him it wouldn't be wise. He stared out the window at the sky, sprinkled with faint stars, and tried without success to clear his mind. He touched the place that he thought he'd felt Yeul's tear fall.

There was nothing.

* * *

><p>When he awoke the next morning, Caius knew something was wrong.<p>

The first thing he noticed was the silence. The absence of sound was so disorienting that Caius, for a brief moment, wondered if he had somehow crossed into the goddess's realm of Valhalla, where legends rumored that no auditory sound would break the stagnance until the dreadful bells rang.

Then Caius tasted the stale, flat remnants of magic on his tongue. Someone had used a spell on him, and recently. He dragged his eyes open and stared blearily at the ceiling. The light was weak and, struggling a little, he judged that sunrise was yet another half hour away.

His mind was so sluggish. He couldn't help thinking that the spell still had him in its hold. Surely he would have understood what happened if he didn't feel half asleep -

Ah. That was it: a sleeping spell.

He slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. He had slept peacefully, without the restless nostalgic dreams, which should have been his first indication that something was wrong. The last thing he remembered was staring out the window, wondering how he could persuade his mind to relax enough to sleep.

"Sir! Caius, sir!" A guard skidded to a stop outside Caius's doorway. His uniform was crumpled, as if he had dressed in a hurry, and his eyes were red with exhaustion. Caius's own eyes narrowed at this. "Sir, the seeress - " He gabbled. "I mean, she - "

Caius was up and striding past the panicked guard before he could finish. Caius walked into Yeul's room and stopped, staring. Her room was cleaner than the Guardian had ever seen it: the bed linens were stretched taunt across the wide bed; the ceremonial gowns hung respectfully in their place; the box that held her crown sat on the dresser. Caius had been expecting to see Yeul, but...

"She is gone," Caius murmured.

The guard gulped noisily behind him.

Now that Caius looked again, he caught a glimpse of scarlet beneath the window where Yeul had sat for the past two days. He walked to it, already knowing what it was. "The beads," he said to himself, scooping them up into his hand. They sparkled innocently in his palm, looking like blood against his skin.

The guard muttered something behind him.

"What?" Caius snapped, turning to glance back.

The man blanched. "Er - I said, that's why I was sent to get you. The seeress, she's gone. One of the guardsmen at the gate saw her leaving Paddra just twenty minutes ago."

Caius rounded on him. "She _left the city?_"

"Yes, but - I mean, some of the guards were going to follow her and then the spymaster asked me to come get you - "

_"Fools,"_ Caius growled. He stalked back to his room and quickly slapped his armor into place while the guard blubbered in disjointed fragments.

"We - we realized you weren't with her," the guard continued as Caius ran out into the streets of the still-quiet city, "and we didn't know - that is, we weren't sure if it was the Ugallu again, or - don't you know what happened?" He asked worriedly.

"Why in hell would I know?" Caius said in low, clipped tones. The idiotic guard made to speak again and Caius made a swift motion with one hand. "Keep your mouth shut," he commanded and the guard nodded, wincing.

They negotiated the narrow streets to the main gate. Caius shot through it, only to be met by waves of Paddra's City Guard.

"Thank Etro you're here," one said.

"We couldn't stop her. We tried calling out..."  
>"It happened so fast - "<p>

Caius roughly brushed past them all, feeling as though he was fighting through tall grass. Why didn't they pursue Yeul? As protectors, they were pathetic. Why hadn't he noticed how useless they were before now?

His heart beat light and fast in his chest. He scanned the open valley, searching for the familiar, slight form of Yeul. But there were too many guards - they stood idly around wherever he looked. Where was she?

He could still taste the residue of the sleeping spell in his mouth. His suspicions clawed at his brain, making his motions jerky in growing anxiety. Yeul couldn't have put him to sleep herself. She couldn't have; she didn't know enough of the symbols to complete an incantation.

She wouldn't have.

What was she running from?

Not from... him?

That was the worst thought of all.

Caius snatched his arm back from the tuggings of the disheveled guard. "Stop. _Stop,_" he told the crowd gathered around him. "Have you found the seeress?"

A few men turned and looked, others pointed, and one man said, "up the hill. She - "

Caius didn't wait for the rest. He charged up the steep incline, up toward the cragy rocks. _It was here, _his mind reminded him, _when the Ugallu came to destroy Paddra. I challenged him, and Yeul banished him to the silent realms. _

_ Yeul..._

He reached the crest of the hill. There, looming suddenly above him, was an enormous red sphere. The air directly surrounding it wavered, like the orb was giving off heat. Despite his agitated condition, Caius stopped short.

"What is this?" He asked, his eyebrows rising slightly. "Where is the seeress?"

"Here," said a deep, quiet voice. The spymaster rose from his knees by Caius's side. He avoided the Guardian's eyes. "The seeress is here."

"Where?"

The man looked up at the sphere. "If I had not seen her change, I would not have believed it for myself," he said quietly. "She is there - she became that crimson orb."

Caius turned his eyes up to look at it. _No, _he wanted to say, but his faith was shaken. Could Yeul truly have transformed herself? But how?

As if the spymaster had read Caius's thoughts, he held out a thick book. Without looking, Caius knew it must be the tome that held the banishing spell. "She dropped this when it happened," he said.

"No," Caius murmured then. Everything seemed to be falling apart. Yeul, capable of casting a sleeping spell? Yeul, able to transfigure herself into - this? What sort of a Guardian was he, that he did not know? So she had been secretly learning more, then. Teaching herself.

"No," Caius said louder. He stepped toward the sphere and held out his hand. He watched the air through the rippling aura shift yellow and orange, staining the sky beyond. His hand pushed through the color, feeling a slight fizzle along his skin. The air was warm near the sphere, but not in an unpleasant way.

"Yeul?" He whispered.

His ear crackled, like static. Distantly he heard a wail, long and tearful, and in that sadness there were words.

_I have brought ruin to my people. I am a disgrace to the goddess I serve. I wish to be away - taken from this world that I have wronged so gravely. Let those who come after me erase my mistake; I will hold my sins to my heart and scream in the silence, where I will not burden anyone. I seal myself away in an act of honest penance and pray that one day I can be forgiven._

"You were forgiven," Caius said softly. He lowered his hand.

"What was that?" The spymaster asked, glancing at Caius. "Is there a way that we can bring the seeress back?"

He slowly shook his head. "We cannot. This is old, powerful magic. Yeul has torn herself from this world through a tear in time." He gestured to the orb. "This is a Ruby of Grief; it merely holds Yeul's memories and remorse."

"Then... we cannot return her?"

"No. She is gone." Caius's heart twisted in his chest. The words, once spoken, were more painful than he was expecting. Yeul was not simply gone; she was as good as dead.

He shuddered.

The spymaster turned to order the guards to send word to the priestesses of Etro at once; that they should begin to look for the new Yeul among the newborn girls. Caius ignored the man's insubordinace, for he suddenly felt utterly tired. He couldn't summon the words to tell him off.

Instead he stared up at the Ruby as it hung suspended above his head. When the spymaster returned to politely ask if Caius was returning to the city, Caius silently shook his head. After all the guards finally retreated inside the city gates, Caius allowed himself to sink to the ground.

"Yeul," he sighed. "I am sorry."

He thought about her as she had been: serious, with her head held high when Caius became her new Guardian; wide-eyed, as she glanced at the dead assassin crumpled on her floor; determined, when she recited back the quickest way to disarm a swordsman; alarm, there and gone again, when she prophesied of the Ugallu in her sermon; anxiety, as she hovered at his side, peering around him to see pages of magical texts she couldn't understand; fear, as she glanced back at him in the city streets during their run to meet the Ugallu; relief, when the weight was lifted from her chest; horror, in those weeks before her final day; her voice, soft in the darkness, asking if he loved her, too.

Caius held the beads tightly in her fist.

That Yeul was gone forever.


	9. Such Loneliness

**Author's Note: The last chapter! If you liked it, let me know.**

**Thanks for reading!  
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**~wynteralchemyst  
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><p>Those first few months were difficult.<p>

Caius was used to standing at Yeul's side every day, hearing her soft voice in conversation during meals, and catching the small smile she sent his way when something amused her. He continued to expect to see her each morning in the Temple of Etro, or to see her silvery head in a crowd. Every time he passed her doorway, he couldn't prevent himself from automatically looking inside. He was shocked all over again, each time, to see her room so empty.

He missed the Sermons and occasionally he stood in the archway of the Audience Chamber in the Temple, trying to reconstruct his memory of Yeul sitting straight-backed in the chair, her eyes closed in concentration.

He loathed the utter silence during mealtimes.

But worse were the dreams he had of her.

He began to spend his days near the Ruby of Grief. Sometimes he spoke a few words to her, but mostly he stood by her side and looked out across the valley where Paddra sprawled. He felt more at peace with the crimson orb hovering above his head than he did in the city.

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><p>The Silentknife Clan attacked the following winter. Caius fought with the rest of the Farseer soldiers - partly for the yet-undiscovered Yeul, and partly for the Yeul he had known, whose memory stayed in his mind, ready to overwhelm him if he allowed it. It was during that time that Caius discovered that Yeul had been right, long ago, when she mentioned that Caius was not so different from herself; he could not die.<p>

In a way, Caius considered it his penance: his penance for his poor performance as Guardian.

In the end, the Silentknives were turned away and Paddra experienced peace once again.

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><p>The new Yeul was found five years later.<p>

When the head priestess introduced little Yeul to Caius, the girl clung to the priestess's robes. She hid half of her face in the fabric so only one green eye peeked out. She didn't reply when Caius told her his name.

"She's shy, the poor thing," the priestess explained benevolently.

Of course Yeul would not remember him - Caius knew that. But he felt disappointed all the same.

He knelt down until he was face-to-face with the young seeress. "I will keep you safe," he promised quietly.

The little girl blinked. Tentatively she reached out her hand. She brushed the short string of scarlet beads that hung over Caius's brow and smiled radiantly when they sparkled in the light. "Pretty," she breathed.

Caius bowed his head and shut his eyes. "I will not fail you this time... Yeul."

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><p>The years passed.<p>

The little Yeul grew up and then another took her place. And another. And another. Caius, never changing, lived through the lifetimes of the seeress by her side. Each Yeul was different from the last, and so was incomparable to the first he had known. Caius told himself that he was pleased by this; that he was not slightly unsettled to sometimes see expressions or hear phrases that never would have appeared on _her_ face or _her_ mouth.

He did come to love each Yeul. But he could not bring himself to fully open himself up as he once did, knowing that the end of her brief, bright life was inevitable.

At times Caius would glance out his window to the distant rocky hillside. He couldn't see the Ruby of Grief from that distance, but he thought of her.

Then civil war broke out. Yeul prophesied of Paddra's destruction and the nation tore itself apart. Caius, with the others who guarded Yeul, took the seeress and stole away from the chaos and into the wilderness. When he glanced back at the crimson orb for a last look, the veiled Yeul followed his eyes questioningly.

"Are you well?" She asked, unsure of what to make of the distant expression on her Guardian's face.

He turned away and deftly covered his head with his hood. "Yes," he said gravely, refusing to meet her pointed gaze.

Behind his back, Yeul exchanged a puzzled glance with one of her other protectors but dropped the subject.

As they crept into the wild, dark forests of Pulse, Caius thought of her one last time. _Farewell, Yeul,_ he told her. _I wish you peace and hope that, one day, you may find happiness once again._

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><p><em>316 AF<em>

"I see," Yeul murmured. She looked out across the green rolling hills of the Archylte Steppe. The sun was sinking behind her distant clouds, coloring the western sky rose. The forgotten playing cards had been scattered by the wind. Yeul picked one up absently. "I see," she said again.

Caius said nothing. He wished he had not told her about his history; emotions and memories that he had fought to bury were rising, vibrant in his mind's eye. He swallowed, fighting the wave of anguish that threatened to strangle him.

"The world has changed so much," Yeul murmured and Caius glanced up at her. "So many years have passed since then, but you are here."

She looked over at him and Caius wondered what she saw. Was she thinking of the years he had witnessed, that didn't reflect in his appearance? Was she thinking of that Yeul - the first Yeul, his Yeul - and wondering how he could look at her, knowing she was a visual duplicate of the one he had loved?

Yes. He had struggled with that, too.

Yeul tilted her head to the side. "Do you feel sad often? I mean, when you think about her?"

Caius looked away from her and out into the sunset. His stomach twisted painfully. "I try not to," he told her quietly.

She misunderstood him. Relief pulled at her lips. "Well then," she said with a shrug, "as long as you have me, I promise you'll never be lonely."

Caius smiled. It was a self-mocking, ironic, bitter smile. Such loneliness was his constant companion in his never-ending life. "Yes," he said and watched as her mouth stretched into a satisfied grin.

The End


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